Taking physics as an over-thinker has just added a whole new level to my entire being. Seriously. I learned about absolute zero… which is just a theory… but it’s where all motion in a molecule comes to a complete stop. Do you know what that means? To me anyway… that means that what I know as God, would also come to a complete stop.

So I asked one of my friends, a microbiologist, but also a man of God, his thoughts on this. I love these kinds of conversations, they really get my mind working, and I appreciate these types of experiences. My thoughts are that if energy can neither be created nor destroyed… THINK about that… that 1. all the energy that EVER will be, already exists. Every single molecule and atom. The energy isn’t stopping, it’s just binding and ripping apart and creating new and different elements and things over and over again. I got into a whole theory of black holes and toroids and recycling each and every atom/ energy. His response was uplifting and completely not even in the realm of science, which was a little surprising! “God is infallible. It’s not just part of some dogma. It’s the Truth. So He says he knows the ending before the beginning Alpha and Omega So He already knows that humans will never figure out anything to break it. You don’t plan and make the Universe and all the laws that is abides and all the life and energy and matter in it, and fuck up and allow one of your creations to break it.” And that was a little click in my mind that made sense.

People often get mad at scientists for “playing God”.. but isn’t what we’re here to do is to play around in God’s world?! Test things out, see how things work!? Attempt to destroy things and watch them come back to life!? When I was a kid, I THRIVED in situations where I was able to create and test and explore. That’s our nature! Because we are only temporary here, our energy and existence here is only for a moment in time… and then we are recycled. Everything I am learning in physics just adds to these ideas I’ve had about life for so long. I wish I could put into words the way I see what’s going on here. I get close, but there are some ideas, some visions, some feelings that just don’t have the right terminology to convey.

The he sent me a video called “The entire time lapse of the universe until the end of time”. Let me tell you… if I was high, I would have cried. My. Mind. Was. EXPLODING. The sheer amount of time predicted before every single molecule dies out of energy.. is a number that I can’t even fathom, but I know it’s not relative to anything I’ve ever known. I don’t like to think of existence dying out completely. It really just makes EVERYTHING seem so pointless, honestly, because “nothing is forever”. And even though I know that, and it makes logical sense… I still have an idea of how it should be.

Anyway… so what that also means is infinity isn’t real. How can it be? IF scientists can predict the amount of “time” until the last atom dies… then there’s an end point. I just don’t see it happening. Sure, every single scenario, every type of anything ever at any time and every time can be created, experienced, seen, heard, blah blah… and then what?? It’s just done. Like… that’s it folks. Nothing left to see here. It was a wild ride.

Let’s back track a little, but still continue down the rabbit hole a bit… how many people have been alive just on this planet? Since its creation? Google says 107 billion. That seems like nothing. BUT… how many lives have YOU lived on this Earth? Ummmm.. only one that I’m aware of (thank GOD, could you imagine remembering your past lives? How depressing). Anyway.. just one life… realistically more prior to this one, unless you’re a fresh soul with a LOT of learning to do. Now… what if you had to live EVERY single persons’ life? 107 billion lives to live on just this planet? Experience all their hardships and survival and amazing moments in time!? THEN…. what if you had to live just your life that you have now.. but in all the possible ways that you could imagine you’d want to experience life as yourself? Ideally, I’d like to have had my brother as a part of my life for the last how ever many years… in another life time as me, I’d have that. Then in another billion life times I’d live through ALL the other scenarios I’ve ever imagined  as me…. until I’m out of possibilities. Then I’d switch roles with my brother. Live all his lives. Switch with my Mom, my Dad, my dog, my friends, my ex boyfriends, my ex wife, my teachers, my own children (if I ever have any)…. the list is endless…..or is it!? The video I watched where everything ends, predicts roughly:

8 thousand trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion years.

“The universe will be permanent and unchanging.”

Anyway. Physics n shit.