Cumulatively, I’m feeling drained. This relationship has taken its toll on me. No longer am I young and able to bounce back and keep moving on, I’m exhausted. I no longer wish to take care of anyone other than myself, and I cannot fully do that until I close the door on this relationship.

Working backwards, because my mind is letting go of so many memories with this stress, Jai and I are getting a divorce. As I write this, sitting in my parents house, Jai is spending the weekend with someone else, enjoying booze, a strip club, going for coffee and buying outfits.  It’s difficult for me to pretend I don’t care, but I know that the person or people she is with right now do not know her as I do. I hope they’re enjoying the facade that she is putting up right now.

Last week was the final straw for me, we got into an argument and it escalated into aggressive driving, broken glass, self-harm and a call to 911. I don’t know what to feel about any of this. I came into this relationship feeling the happiest I have ever been in my life, no exaggeration, to it ending like this. My mind still holds onto a little piece of expectation, which looking back, was unrealistic.

This was never going to work out, because after the facade faded the fairy-tale ended.