Hey October. Hey people who haven’t found this blog yet. It’s October. And Orange month.

 

I posted this picture on my Instagram, it’s a mason jar with a handle and filled with wine… aka it’s my night. After I took this picture and edited it a bit and posted it, I was instantly thrown into a memory of the 2004 era. I was in High School and taking a photography class where we got to develop our own film in a dark room, and I LOVED it, didn’t care for the teacher, but LOVED the class. I aspired to have my own dark room one day and when my Dad told us we were moving in the middle of my senior year, I told him (not suggested) that we were going to turn the attic into a dark room…. (that never happened). Nevertheless, I enjoyed photography and viewing things from different angles.

Prior to 2004, I had always been into writing. In high school I would write poems and stories that would go on forever, and sometimes leave them on the teachers desk anonymously. One year, I wrote a poem on how badly I hated my science teacher because she was always yelling at me in class, and I put the poem on her desk… somehow they figured out it was me and I got sent to the principals office because they said my poem had something about a bomb in it and they thought I was going to plant a bomb in her car… LMFAO. Some teachers just can’t accept fine art. At this time I also had a BLURTY, which if nobody remembers, was a site for blogging, and I had YEARS of blags on there, and the site no longer exists… I still wonder what they have done with all my entries.  Anyway, in middle school I pretended like I had a magazine and I wrote a couple articles in magazine format and gave them to my friends, and it was pretty cool, I liked figuring out how to make it the best format to resemble a magazine article. In elementary school I would always write diaries or journals or poems about certain events. I’m not ashamed to say that I still have some of them.

The point is, I have always enjoyed writing. In fact, it has always been my main outlet. I am a passionate person, but it’s difficult sometimes for me to express myself clearly in spoken words because I have a hard time being vulnerable verbally. I’ve gotten better with this, but I usually get my best ideas out through writing.

None of this has shit to do with October. My bad.

O yea, the photo. It brought me back to a memory I had where I REALLY wanted to work for National Geographic. I had all their magazines and I would spend hours going through and making collages out of the pictures and imagine myself writing articles for them. I never had much confidence in myself growing up, so I thought that I was being unrealistic. Looking back, I wish I had followed my passion.

I’ve always said that some people were born knowing what they want to do with their lives, and I thought I was not included in that group of people. But the truth is, I have always known what I wanted to be, I was just too afraid to speak about it or be shut down. I have a few passions; dance (which I am in no way even GOOD at), writing, and talking to children. I’m 30 now, and I have not pursued a single passion.. mostly due to fear of failure and my own lack of confidence that I can succeed in those areas.

Maybe that’s why I started this blog thought? So I can continue to write and let my creativity flow. Who knows, maybe one day I will take a dance class or mentor a child?