I’ve decided to go through my old journal and type up what I wrote during this time.
♠Here We Go:
June 15, 2010
To whom it may concern,
Life will lead you down the path you always knew you’d take, a journey that is completely one of a kind to yourself. Twists and turns and over laps of paths, and your greatest accomplishment will be getting it right the first time.
Repetition can put a halt to progression, yet further it at the same time, keep an open mind. This is the world of duality for the thousandth time. Where the most valuable experiences will take place in order for the experience – it’s fill value, you must first acknowledge the fact that you are here for a reason. We all chose to be here.
This life, to me, is a blessing. Everything about it really hits home in my most centered self. I am growing. I just hope I’m not missing something because at this exact moment I feel anxious. My dreams have been vivid, my waking life feels like it’s been on pause.
AM I really working hard enough? Maybe it’s time for another approach.
Hey October. Hey people who haven’t found this blog yet. It’s October. And Orange month.
I posted this picture on my Instagram, it’s a mason jar with a handle and filled with wine… aka it’s my night. After I took this picture and edited it a bit and posted it, I was instantly thrown into a memory of the 2004 era. I was in High School and taking a photography class where we got to develop our own film in a dark room, and I LOVED it, didn’t care for the teacher, but LOVED the class. I aspired to have my own dark room one day and when my Dad told us we were moving in the middle of my senior year, I told him (not suggested) that we were going to turn the attic into a dark room…. (that never happened). Nevertheless, I enjoyed photography and viewing things from different angles.
Prior to 2004, I had always been into writing. In high school I would write poems and stories that would go on forever, and sometimes leave them on the teachers desk anonymously. One year, I wrote a poem on how badly I hated my science teacher because she was always yelling at me in class, and I put the poem on her desk… somehow they figured out it was me and I got sent to the principals office because they said my poem had something about a bomb in it and they thought I was going to plant a bomb in her car… LMFAO. Some teachers just can’t accept fine art. At this time I also had a BLURTY, which if nobody remembers, was a site for blogging, and I had YEARS of blags on there, and the site no longer exists… I still wonder what they have done with all my entries. Anyway, in middle school I pretended like I had a magazine and I wrote a couple articles in magazine format and gave them to my friends, and it was pretty cool, I liked figuring out how to make it the best format to resemble a magazine article. In elementary school I would always write diaries or journals or poems about certain events. I’m not ashamed to say that I still have some of them.
The point is, I have always enjoyed writing. In fact, it has always been my main outlet. I am a passionate person, but it’s difficult sometimes for me to express myself clearly in spoken words because I have a hard time being vulnerable verbally. I’ve gotten better with this, but I usually get my best ideas out through writing.
None of this has shit to do with October. My bad.
O yea, the photo. It brought me back to a memory I had where I REALLY wanted to work for National Geographic. I had all their magazines and I would spend hours going through and making collages out of the pictures and imagine myself writing articles for them. I never had much confidence in myself growing up, so I thought that I was being unrealistic. Looking back, I wish I had followed my passion.
I’ve always said that some people were born knowing what they want to do with their lives, and I thought I was not included in that group of people. But the truth is, I have always known what I wanted to be, I was just too afraid to speak about it or be shut down. I have a few passions; dance (which I am in no way even GOOD at), writing, and talking to children. I’m 30 now, and I have not pursued a single passion.. mostly due to fear of failure and my own lack of confidence that I can succeed in those areas.
Maybe that’s why I started this blog thought? So I can continue to write and let my creativity flow. Who knows, maybe one day I will take a dance class or mentor a child?
Crumbiniville 