So… this year, 2017, I turn 29. I’m THAT much closer to being 30!! I certainly don’t feel like I’m almost 30, but sometimes I feel like I’m in my 40’s. I feel young at heart, but I also feel like I don’t really relate to those who are my age. My parents had me and my brother when they were 32 and 34… and I’m convinced that their grown personalities have been imprinted into us since day 1. It makes sense to me. If you’re 18 or 19 and you have a child, then I feel like your child is learning from an 18/19 year old mind set.. so if you’re 32/34, you’re teaching your children from a little more of a developed (hopefully) mindset. I’ve always been able to relate to people who were quite a bit older than me, but I do find it difficult to relate to people my own age.

I went though my party phase between the ages of 15-20ish.. then I went through such a tedious growth period where my world sort of got flipped inside out ad upside down. Now, at the age of almost 29, I feel SUPER far away from that party stage, and sort of like I’m supposed to be smoothing out the rough edges of who I am/ who I want to be. I recently got married, and I think that has impacted my life in such a great way. I finally feel like an adult… before I was married, I felt out of place, like “Wow, I’m almost 30 and I’m still dating, either I’m not serious enough for a serious relationship, or nobody wants to be with me for life.” I don’t think there is anything wrong with NOT being married, in fact, at one point I actually considered just being single and adopting a child and being a single mom and doing my own thing in life and taking care of a child. But, I met my wife, and she wants to build a life together just as much as I do, and it’s an amazing feeling.

I find myself wanting real companionship these days, not just a friendly acquaintance. I feel like I want to be a good role model, which can also come off as ‘too good’ or ‘no fun’ to a lot of people who’s only goal is to go out and get drunk and sleep around. For the most part, I stay to myself right now, working on volunteering as a crisis counselor and studying for promotion and looking into starting some college classes soon. I have goals, but I’m lonely for a real friendship. I’m afraid I’m so used to being by myself that I’m actually not opening myself up to opportunities to make real friends. If anyone is reading this, feel free to offer some suggestions.

Anyway.. I’m almost 30. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean… but it will be pretty cool to see how my life looks in a few years from now. I’m expecting quite a few changes. ♥